Mellie (mellie8418) wrote,

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I really have not written within the depths of livejournal in quite some time! I just know that there are a lot less people reading livejournal than myspace, so I just needed a little place to vent for a bit. So lets see...

Nathan and I broke up on Friday. I had been thinking about it for about 2 months, but I didn't want to say anything for a long time after because I wasn't sure that was something I really wanted to do. Then as time went by I started getting really angry and depressed when it came to Nathan and I couldn't take it anymore. Plus I just was not as attracted to Nathan as I once was, but I didn't want to tell him that. I still care about the kid, but I just cannot be in this relationship anymore and it has been so hard trying to get that through to him. He still loves and cares about me so much, and I see him suffer on a daily basis which fucking sucks. He also started smoking cigarettes again, which he was supposed to give up after last July for good. I had been proud of him for being able to stay away, and now because of me he has relapsed.

Another thing about all of this is how Alexi has been acting. She has been screaming and crying and all depressed because of a boy not calling her or e-mailing her while Nathan and I just sit in silence because we know it is rediculous that she is freaking out this much about a kid she isn't even dating and our 2 1/2 year relationship is over. I'm sorry, but that is a much bigger issue to deal with, so I am not feeling any pity for her at this moment. (Lillian, if you are reading this, don't tell her I am thinking that...)

For spring break Nathan is going down to springfield where he is going to figure out what his plans are for the living situation. He is probably going to move out, although I don't know where, and I do hope it isn't too far. I still want to be able to hang out with him, because I don't want to completely shut him out of my life. This whole thing is going to take some getting used to, moreso for him than me, but i just hope it works out well in the end.

At least I know this is going to turn out better than all that bullshit with Tony.... Or I guess I hope so...

Well I have to go continue working on my psychology shit since this is technically my last week of school. I have a shit-ton of work to do, so I just hope I can get through it all on time...
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I know what it's like to be in one of those relationships where you don't know if you want to end it or not. Sounds like you made the right decision though. I hope that all works out alright for you.

What are you doing this friday? You should join us at the St. Patties Day celebration at Kells. It's gonna be awesome!! Kelly will be there and I think Sydney too.
I fucking wish man!! I cannot believe I have been missing all of these people's birthdays and all of your trips to portland, I feel like such an asshole! Friday I do indeed have to work, but you guys should be able to enjoy all of the craziness that is Kell's. Tell everyone I'm sorry, and wish Kelly a happy birthday for me :(